Mother Fucker

"Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start"

This made me so happy to remember the great times I've had in my past. But, things aren't like they were then, sometimes I wish they were.

braids, braids, braids!

Things I'm so into right now:

1. growing my hair out

2. Tumblr

3. pale colors

4. killing you

5. pretty shoes

6. curling my hair

7. finding pretty pictures online

8. being so in love

9. dangly things

10. braids

11. being hopelessly devoted to you

12. being a homebody

13. toast

14. hidden faces

“ It’s the oddballs and the misfits who go on to do interesting things with their lives. ”

-In the Valley of Elah

If

If I had children, I'd have two... and I'd name them:

1. Bijoux (bi-zu)

2. Scotia

IF this were to happen...I would make the bastard I marry take my last name, and just the thought of me ever bearing a child is just outrageous.

What's going on right this second...

• I made straight A's this semester! (and one B)
• I just made a Tumblr and I have no fucking idea what I'm doing.
• Brittany Murphy just died, what is the world coming to?
• My over-the-knee boots just came in the mail, LOVE EM.
• I'm at my parents for Christmas.
• My phone is fucking up, ready for the Blackberry Tour.
• I really want to know how to work Tumblr, it's so intriguing.
• I made 2 new friends recently, I'm really exited about that.
• Raymond got me a really pretty ring for Christmas.
• I just realized that I love you so much, my heart could explode.
• My pretty pretty room, in my pretty pretty house on Floyd Avenue is my favorite place in the whole wide world.

The End.

I left my heart in Tokyo.

I'm exited about meeting up with my best friend, we haven't spoken in a few months, I'm hoping we can rekindle what we once had.

_______,

I have decided that I love you so much that I will one day forgive you and I will allow you to stay in my life for now... Hoping that you have really changed and continue to, I'm depending on you and this is the last chance you're getting. I just hope I'm not making the wrong decision.

Another reason I wish I was Japanese: Bento boxes!!!
Can't wait to get there.

I don't even like summer...

But, I like it now!

New dermal anchor on my neck. Hope it doesn't scar like the one on my face did.



I don't want anyone but you, but I need anyone but you.

He ate my heart

My heart is officially broken, I'm currently being repaired. I loved you so much it hurts, and I still do.

You're fucking stupid.

go kill urself tehehe

I want snow!

Fuckin' swamped with end of the semester papers and finals, but procrastinating the best I can. I'm writing a paper on Stoicism, Stoic wisdom and how it is advantageous in every day life, how it could be applied to any life. Basically, the Stoic way of life is very healthy lifestyle - When something bad happens, rise above it and do not let it affect you negatively, control things you can control and do not worry or dwell over things you cannot control. Basically projecting independence, clear minds and no negativity. Though these views are vital to a healthy lifestyle, it seems very black and white, with no grey in between. Life comes with emotions, instead of removing all emotion completely, just learn to control your emotions. A life without a emotion would be a dull life indeed.

I'm laying in my bed with my incense burning and thinking of how I can make my life better, I really want to as for some reason I have been sort of unhappy lately. I have nothing to complain about but for some reason I feel as though something is missing. There is a lot weighing down on my mind, that might have a lot to do with it. I really do need to clear my mind. I don't know exactly what is making me feel unhappy with life and myself at this current moment but all I can do is try to better it. There is something I need to do that I am sort of dreading, in fear that I will later regret it or that it might be the wrong decision. Something just isn't right.

"People who depend on others too much are victim to circumstance."

All I know is I miss my babies, I'm ready for Christmas with my family, I'm ready for the semester to be OVER and I want it to snow!

hot chocolatetetete

Kacie brought me my favorite flowers!
I have nothing to be unhappy about, but sometimes I get unhappy.

Christmas is right around the corner!

My lil nephew asked me to marry him, teha.

Old Betsey Johnson..

Please and fucking thank you. So sexy... jeeezz

Swine in style.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

yay!

Last night he looked at me and called me his "Pretty, pretty princess" and I was reminded of how much I love him. I hope this works out and you keep your promises.

I'm going to the Bahamas on Friday at 4am, I am so happy to get away from here even if it's only a few days and even if I am swamped with homework on break. The only thing wrong is I'm going to miss black Friday, the best/worst day to shop. But, please believe I will be spending a lot of $$ when I get back!!

Can't wait to go on this slide eeee!
Bahamas, I've missed you.

I loved you most.

You broke my heart, I hate you.
Fuck you.

tears, tears go away.

Pretty things

I wnt evrythng.

I want to buy everything, all the pretty pretty things.

I made this small collection of things I'm going to buy in the next 24 hours. Why write a paper, due tomorrow when you can buy things from out of the country?
When I see myself in the future, I see myself having a closet to drool over. Elegant, with a couch much like this one placed right in the middle and a chandelier right in the center.. dripping with clothes, shoes and pretty things.

you're pretty

I am insane.

gimme, gimme.

disappearing

There's a lot of bullshit going on right now in this city and you can all choke on a cock before you even begin to think of yourself as superior to anyone. I found that I'm very disappointed with who surrounds me. You're all pussies. Except for my babygirl, who said this to me: "i know im only one person, but you will never be alone. it will never be you against the world because ive always had your back and i always will. i will never leave you or turn on you; i love you...fuck the rest/fuck the world"

It is fall and the days have been so pretty with all the leaves, but right now the weather is so disgusting. I can hear the wind and rain outside... I wish it would go away!

I have decided to remain sober for as long as I can, I'm hoping this will clear my mind completely. Sometimes i get too crazy when I drink too much (lolz) I'm going to disappear for a while, and only focus on what needs to be focused on. This is a very wise decision on my part. Isolation from everyone except who matters is the answer to the last little thing I need to reach my goal.

I'll be back.

gaga ooh lala

Fucking love it.

I'm a princess

and I got blood on my knuckles from your face.

The hatred inside of me slowly builds to an excessive and destructive point.

I need to stop overanalyzing details and small things, for the love of fucking god.

Yesterday I got my nails done and had dinner with my Mom, she started crying when I left to go back home and study. I only live about 20 minutes from her and Dad, when I asked her why she was crying she said because I was leaving. I hope my Dad realizes what is going on and stops this bullshit, I can't stand to see my strong Mother cry anymore.

I'm going to my friend's birthday party tonight, though I honestly shouldn't be fucking going anywhere.. I have so much homework and studying that needs to be done before Tuesday.

I wake up every morning staring at my snowboard, I put it right in the corner of my room, in front of my bed, next to the t.v. It's so pretty I just wanna ride it already and forget about all of these things clouding up my mind.

Listen:

I wish I knew someone like Ari...
I miss True Blood :(

It's chilly!

@

I went to see Lady Gagagaga's concert, she is so creepy.

My cat died last Thursday, his name was L.J. I've had him since I was 9 years old and sometimes I cry late at night because I miss him. He lived a good life, I know he died happy.

I just had my 19th birthday, accidently drank almost an entire bottle of Grey Goose, but my family and friends made my day amazing.

Things to work on:

1. Bettering my posture.

2. Walking better in my pumps.

You know who you are: Sometimes I just want to check up on how your life is doing, because I honestly do miss you. I've seen a few bitter things said toward my direction and I want you to know that you are highly mistaken to think I need to "get better" or that you somehow are a victim. I have realized some problems I had with MYSELF and changed them, I am back to who I used to be. You leaving my life had nothing at all to do with my rehabilitation, so please stop lying and acting like you were a good friend towards the end. I recently found out that when the end was coming and I was devastated, you couldn't have cared less about me or the situation our strong friendship was put in. I don't hope the best for you, though I do still love you and I miss you and what we had. I haven't been this happy and content in a really long time, and sometimes it seems like the only thing missing in my life is you. You say I'm weak, you say it's my fault. I disagree, I am stronger than I've ever been and the reason we're not what we were is your fault. You make me sick to think I did anything wrong to you. If I saw you I'd spit in your face.